How do I deal with employee attitude problems?

Dealing with an employee’s attitude can feel like walking on eggshells. You know the work gets done, deadlines are met, but something is off. A tone. A pause. A look that shifts the room (you know...the one that makes you feel like a dirty diaper). Nothing concrete. Nothing you can document. Just enough to make every request feel heavier than it should. Most leaders have been there, wondering whether they’re overreacting or quietly avoiding a problem that’s only going to grow worse if left unaddressed. The truth is, attitude problems are almost never about the attitude itself. They are symptoms of unclear expectations, rushed priorities, miscommunication, or a lack of context.

The key is to separate behavior from perception. You can’t manage how someone feels, but you can manage how they act and the impact their actions have on the team. Observing patterns instead of isolated incidents is essential. Does the tension show up during last-minute requests, when feedback is given publicly, or when priorities change without explanation? Understanding the pattern allows you to address the real issue instead of chasing a vague notion of “attitude.”

Once you know what’s happening, it’s important to address it early and privately, without judgment or labels. A short, honest conversation can do far more than warnings or public feedback ever could. Framing the discussion around your perspective and the impact on the team, rather than making it about the person, creates space for understanding. You can acknowledge frustration or stress, then explain how the behavior affects workflow, team morale, and your ability to lead effectively. Clarity and curiosity, not confrontation, set the tone for meaningful change.

I saw this approach work firsthand with a supervisor who had an employee that consistently responded to requests with sighs, tight answers, or pauses that changed the energy in the room. The work was getting done, deadlines were met, but the atmosphere felt heavier than it should. Instead of labeling the employee or jumping to discipline, she focused on observing the moments when the behavior occurred. She noticed it appeared most when requests were last-minute or feedback came publicly instead of privately. She invited the employee to a one-on-one conversation, opened with a simple statement of curiosity, and explained the impact of the behavior. They discussed ways to provide better context for urgent requests, agreed on direct communication when the workload felt overwhelming, and clarified expectations for smoother collaboration. The result wasn’t instant, but over time, the tone improved, defensiveness eased, and even the rest of the team adjusted. There was no write-up, no forced positivity; just alignment and a clearer understanding of how to work together effectively.

Addressing attitude problems effectively means focusing on behavior, communication, and context rather than trying to “fix” someone’s personality. When leaders notice patterns, speak early, and create clarity without drama, what once felt like an unmanageable problem becomes an opportunity to strengthen the team. Ignoring the issue, labeling someone as “difficult,” or hiding behind policies only delays the inevitable and makes the situation more complicated. Leaders who approach these moments with curiosity, directness, and clarity don’t just manage the behavior; they prevent it from undermining the team and build a culture where challenges are addressed before they escalate.

If you’re preparing for a conversation with someone whose attitude is affecting the team, start with curiosity and clarity. You can begin by sharing what you’ve observed in a calm, non-accusatory way: “I’ve noticed that some of my requests seem to land heavier than I intend. I want to understand how that feels on your end.” Ask open questions that invite reflection rather than defensiveness: “When these situations happen, what makes it difficult for you?” or “How can I support you so we can avoid tension in these moments?” Acknowledge the impact: “When frustration shows up as tone or delays, it affects the team and makes it harder for me to lead effectively.” Then, work together to clarify expectations and practical next steps, keeping the focus on behavior and solutions rather than personality.

Starting with this kind of approach changes the dynamic entirely. It turns what feels like an “attitude problem” into a conversation about alignment, communication, and shared responsibility; and that’s the kind of leadership that actually strengthens teams.