The Boss You Don’t Want to Be (and How to Survive One If You Have One)

There are all kinds of bosses out there. Some inspire you. Some challenge you. And then… there are the ones who walk into a room and instantly suck the air out of it—like my wife's Dyson vacuum cleaner on turbo.

Years ago, I worked in HR for a company with a manager who carried herself like she was the last Ferrari model driving down Miami Beach—sleek, untouchable, and fully convinced that the universe revolved around her. In meetings, she’d announce: “What I say goes.” And just like that, democracy was officially canceled.

She would put people down, act like she was above everyone, and made it hard for anyone to feel respected. Unsurprisingly, she wasn’t well-liked. Eventually, her ego caught up with her, and she lost her job. (And yes, we all silently cheered...I know! Terrible HR guy)

But here’s what I noticed from my HR corner: not everyone experienced her the same way.

Some employees pushed back. They rolled their eyes, muttered under their breath, and treated every interaction like a dodgeball game where she was throwing flaming balls. For them, work became a daily battle royale—until she was gone.

Others chose a different route. They noticed the arrogance, sure, but treated her with patience and grace. They assumed she was going through personal struggles behind the scenes (which she was). Because of their approach, they had fewer migraines and more coffee breaks that didn’t require a side of anxiety.

And yet—those same employees still came to me with their concerns. They didn’t stay silent. They filed complaints—but here’s the secret sauce: they were objective and specific. Instead of storming into HR with “She’s so mean, I can’t stand her,” they said:
“She publicly belittled me during the last three meetings, which makes collaboration difficult.”

This is why grace and documentation are BFFs. HR can’t act on emotional venting. But patterns? Facts? That’s actionable—and might even save your sanity.

(Mini reflection: Next time someone drives you crazy at work, ask yourself—are you whining, or are you wielding your words like a professional? Future you will thank you.)

3 Don’ts of Leadership (So You Don’t Become That Boss)

1. Don’t lead with ego. Authority is earned, not demanded. People may obey, but respect? That’s a different story. (Spoiler: your chair is not a throne—even if it’s fancy.)
2. Don’t belittle your team. Public humiliation may silence people temporarily, but it kills trust, loyalty, and your chances of ever getting invited to the lunch table.
3. Don’t confuse control with leadership. Great leaders empower. Dictators dictate. Collaboration > bossy orders, every time.

(Pro tip for leaders: Ask yourself—today, am I inspiring, intimidating, or just exhausting everyone? Hint: exhaustion is never a promotion.)

How to Survive a Boss Like This

If you’re stuck under a difficult manager, here’s the survival guide:

Document behavior objectively. Stick to facts, dates, and specific actions. Emotional rants don’t move HR—they just make you feel better… temporarily.

Choose grace where possible. Sometimes, patience is your secret weapon. Think of it as emotional armor—you’ll leave work without blood pressure spikes.

Know when to escalate. HR can’t fix a bad attitude, but they can act on consistent, documented patterns.

Find allies. A supportive team can buffer a tough boss. Bonus points if they bring chocolate to stressful meetings.

Don’t mirror bad behavior. Fighting negativity with negativity only drags you down faster than your boss drags morale.

The Final Takeaway

Bad bosses exist. Some are arrogant, some insecure, and some just skipped Leadership 101. But here’s the truth: how you respond to them determines whether you survive—or write passive-aggressive resignation letters.

If you’re a leader, learn from her story—ego may buy temporary authority, but it eventually costs respect, influence, and possibly your job.

If you’re an employee, remember: you still hold power.

• Power in choosing how to treat difficult people.
• Power in documenting and reporting issues professionally.
• Power in protecting your own mindset while navigating someone else’s chaos.

The employees who gave grace and also brought thoughtful, objective complaints to HR didn’t just survive—they helped shape the environment. And that’s the lesson: kindness doesn’t mean silence, and professionalism doesn’t mean passivity.

Navigating bad bosses is part of almost every career journey. Real growth comes when you hold both truth and grace at the same time.

(Cool exercise: This week, write down 3 ways to extend grace without sacrificing professionalism, and 1 scenario where objective documentation could save your sanity. Apply both and notice how your work vibe changes.)